TL;DR: gonna be deleting this account at the end of the month, leaving time for anyone who wants to save/share my art for whatever reason.
This is a somewhat bittersweet post that’s been weighing on my mind for almost a year now, debating on whether I wanted to make it or not. I don’t normally care for long goodbyes and prefer to just delete and move on but this is a lot more personal than the many other times I’ve done this in the past.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I no longer what to associate myself and my art to JtHM, Squee, IFS or really any of JV’s works anymore. Not for any malice, shameful or even fandom reasons, but simply I just cannot have it in my life.
There’s something about having a hyper fixation that has been with you since childhood that can make you feel as though you will never truly escape it. All the comfort and emotions its brought, the memories of friends and conversations it lead to, to the idea of feeling as though a piece of you would be gone if you ever went without it for too long.
Nowadays I find no comfort in the thoughts I used to have regarding it, no love for the art I spent so much time making and a genuine disdain at the memories I have of my own headspace when I made it. There’s nothing nostalgic or magical in seeing a large body of work that was made in a time where it was the only thing I had control of in my life. It makes my stomach knot because I just can’t feel happy about it and that really fucking sucks.
But it’s hard to leave it all behind because honestly? Creating an online following primarily of fan content is incredibly hard to move on from, especially when you’ve tied your name to it. It will always come back to you at some point and there will always be someone who remembers you as “that one artist who always drew fanart of THIS thing”. And it kinda blows. I don’t want my future works associated with something that I’ve been desperately trying heal myself from, something that has no more meaning because the memories of it are no longer cherished.
I still love the works of JV, I still think more people should read his older stuff and I don’t hate or judge anyone who finds comfort in them as well as being thankful to the many amazing people I’ve met through it. But I don’t want it in my life anymore and I can’t continue to make art of it when it only brings negative memories and sadness.
You can still follow my insta @senykas_doodles on instagram where I’m coming back from a long hiatus of just art in general. I’ve also been putting off some original comic ideas for many, many years now and I’m finally at a point in my life where I want to start exploring them permanently. As for jthm stuff, I’ll slowly be removing whatever accounts and works I have associated with it over the next couple months. Feel free to save and share whatever you want, it doesn’t bother me at all as long as I’m not being pestered to make more. Hopefully one day I can look back at this time with fondness but for now I’m just content with acknowledging it’s not what I need in my life right now.
Thanks for reading all this, I hope you have a great day and thank you for all the support. It really made the hard days easier. Love, Sen.
